Relieving and Retelling the Best Grad Moment Ever

Wow, I can’t believe I just finished College. 4 years surely went by quickly. Let me rephrase that. 16 years in school seems long on paper, but just look at how each year flew by fast. Obviously, I am still on such an emotional high. It is still so surreal that I wore that badass toga, shook hands with Fr. Jett (University President), got my diploma, framed it pa, traded grad pics and took last minute selfies with my fellow batchmates and graduates. With all due respect to this illustrious ceremony, marching up the stage was actually not the ultimate highlight of the week of my graduation. (DISCLAIMER: Please do understand that I’m not belittling the ceremony. As a matter of fact, it was a moment of immortality and euphoria.) The real highlight of this wonderful season that just recently concluded is this blue rose you see in the picture which was taken 2 days before Graduation. Let me explain why.

You see, being this very shy and torpe person, I was not even supposed to go to “Blue Roast” (for those not studying in Ateneo, this is basically the Seniors’ final party as “students”). I was honestly really tired that week, and had wanted to go home already because I still had to rest up for Graduation. It is also did not help that I was getting flashbacks of past rejections I had been dealing with before this very moment, and the possibilities of seeing these people who gave me such pain were high. However, my conscience said “Get your ass on that field bro. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. ‘Di na ‘to babalik.” So with my anxieties increasing, I just went inside and enjoyed my night. There were bands, a fortune teller, food, drinks, you name it. In fact, I caught myself jamming so hard on Hale’s set, I wish they could’ve played more songs to prolong the joy I was feeling. But Hale wasn’t even the best part.

You see, this event ain’t complete without the tradition of giving a blue rose to that one person who really impacted your college life. Each person in this event had to give a rose to that person who meant sh*t to him/her. Well, he really didn’t have to, but it would surely feel good to give one nonetheless. It need not be his/her significant other, but that surely helps a lot. For starters, I didn’t even have a rose to begin, so I rushed to the booth to get one. The real problem, however, was “Who am I gonna give this to?” Basically, almost everyone in the crowd brought their significant others with them, thus bringing back the feeling of being “left out”. But then I remembered you. Yes, we didn’t spend much time as I had hoped we would’ve, but you surely fit the criteria of someone who “impacted me in my 4 years of College.” I understood that we weren’t as close as your other friends, but damn I couldn’t stop admiring you all this time. Yes, I secretly admired you all this time, and this gesture of giving that rose was meant to reveal just that. Of course, I knew there would be risks. I understood if you would start avoiding me after tonight, or if you wouldn’t even accept my flower to begin with. All that didn’t matter, because I just knew that after this night and Graduation Day, I’ll never see you again. Like, ever.

So as soon as Hale performed their final song (Kung Wala Ka), the cue to give that rose was given. I came running for you. I searched the entire field just to get this one final moment with you. The crowd was so damn huge; I could not seem to find you. I really thought I wouldn’t be able to do this. It felt like I was about to take one more L, as I always have all throughout College. But by the grace of God, I saw you from a distance. Yet I still had doubts whether to go after you or to just walk away and play it safe, but again, my conscience told me “Go forward, you’ll never get this shot again.” True enough, I listened, and before the song ended, I stretched my arms and handed that rose to you. The reaction you gave me was priceless. I had been longing for a moment like that, and I’m glad you smiled back at me after. Heck, you even gave me a hug and held my hand for a bit. I was on Cloud 9 at that instant, and I never felt so happy in my life.

Now as I’m relieving and retelling this story one week later, I also understand that it’s time to move forward, as my conscience had told me a week ago. Of course, I know now that I can’t pursue her just cause of the fact we have different dreams, goals, journeys and love stories. That’s okay. In fact, that’s how it should be. The same can be said with Graduation. Like I said, I’m still on an emotional high after receiving my diploma, but I know that I can’t stay in this feeling now that I’m about to enter the next few chapters of my life. At least I can say that I closed the chapter beautifully. Indeed, for me, college has been all about struggling to get by with friendship, or the lack thereof. It has given me constant moments of self-doubt, anxieties and rejections. However, all those were squashed in that moment of giving that rose. No, it doesn’t mean nanliligaw ako sa kanya. Simply put, it was my parting gift to her as we both separate and begin writing our newest chapters. If anything, this moment taught me the lesson of taking risks and not being afraid to live with whatever result comes my way. Thankfully, the results were a 5 second holding hands moment, a hug and a picture together. It surely is funny how that night went from “I don’t wanna be here”, to all that and then some. Of course, I do know that it ain’t gonna be like this all the time, but it surely was a much needed confidence boost as I continue writing that book called “Life”. So huwag na kayo matakot lumundag, magkamali, at higit sa lahat, umibig. I know there’s such a thing called “High risk, High reward”, pero sige lang, just TRY. As Hale said, “There’s a a blue sky waiting tomorrow.” 

Yours Truly, 

DEL RO 

I gave the rose to _____ when they performed this song. :)