Sadness Saves the Day

Yesterday felt like the most depressing afternoon of my life. I felt lifeless. It’s as if the weight of the world on my back was too heavy to carry. It was a slow walk to the car. It was a slow drive home. Walang buhay, walang malay at wala nang paki. I was looking down, not giving a damn anymore of what people would think of me. I didn’t care anymore if people thought I was walking stupid, or if I’m just making up my depression. I was just out of it, and I felt emotionless. However, as I stepped out of the car and into our house, the tears began to flow. This magnificent gift of sadness came to my rescue. The moment I saw my parents by the door, I just let it all out. I was so scared to show my scars to them, but sadness was telling me to just let it all out instead of bottling it all inside.

This seemed to be what Riley was going through in the movie “Inside Out”.  As she rode the bus that would take her away from their new home, she felt lifeless and emotionless. Her emotion’s console was ‘grey ‘, indicating its state of malfunction. I felt as if I didn’t wanna feel anything anymore as I drove back home. But then Sadness came just in time for me as it did for Riley when her console slowly yet surely came back to life, thus enabling her to recover a spark of joy that would then trigger a chain reaction back into the world of color. Once we both got home, Riley and I didn’t bottle up our demons and stories, and we both cried our way out of this depressive and desperate state in which we both found ourselves.

Honestly, at that point, I felt as if I had given up. The number of rejections and deep loneliness got the best of me this time. I thought that my life would just be this way. But thankfully, my parents got me out of this darkness. When they shared the same experiences of fear and sadness when they were my age I realized that my fears, insecurities, doubts were normal, even to be expected. The fact that my siblings also shared how they had the same sentiments of loneliness and insecurity made me feel that I was not alone in feeling this way. Overall, my family brought me back to the light, just like how Riley’s emotions and her parents guided her back to her light.

This was also the exact clip I watched after post-processing everything with my parents. Watching this made me tear up, just as it may have done so for others who had seen it. What makes this clip near and dear to me is that Riley seemed to be going through what I am presently going through. Her sense of oddness in San Francisco resonated with my own sense of feeling out of the loop, out of sorts and left out. Her self-doubt seemed very similar to mine. It’s this type of movie that connects you so much to a particular character that you feel like the role was written with you in mind. I’m really thankful that ‘Inside Out’ was released way before today. Watching it helped me to appreciate how my emotions, far from being my enemy, can be my friends as well, if only I allow them to be.

Just like the flu, we all sometimes go down with a bout or two of depression. Whether you’re struggling with it, or just experiencing down moments, it happens to the best of us. I guess the lesson I got from this movie and my dark experience is to never stop crying. I know, nobody wants to cry, especially in public, but it’s the only way to save yourself from sinking into a state of “no emotion”. I’m not hating on Joy at all. But in order for us to get to that happy state, we must first acknowledge our sadness. Sadness is the backside of Joy. Without one we cannot see nor taste nor smell nor feel the other. I find that it is in learning how to dance to the rhythm of the inseparable pair of contrasting experiences like success and failure, joy and sorrow, morning and night that we learn to continue striving, continue walking and continue living the one best life with which we have been blessed. I also learned that we must never hesitate to reach out and seek help especially from people who truly care about us.  I may not say it often enough, but the support I’ve been getting from some of you is truly appreciated. Again, it’s not about quantity, but quality. Godbless y’all.

Yours truly,

Del Ro